Moving forward, looking back

I will earn my black belt in a few weeks, and it has me thinking back over the last three years. What a wild ride it has been.

I moved back across the country from California into my parents' house four years ago. For a year, I just sort of floated along. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't want to get divorced, but I couldn't leave things the way they were. I didn't get a job because I thought I might move at any time. I just focused on my son, and survived one day at a time.

Then something happened that made me realize I would have to take care of us myself, and the work I was doing from home wasn't cutting it. I got a job, cried over putting my son in day care, did it anyway because I had to. I put him in TKD because my mom and sister loved the school and thought it would be good for him. Goodness knows he needed the extra discipline.

I gained some confidence from working to support myself, and bought my first car in my own name.

I finally got the courage to file for divorce when he proved to me that the marriage was truly over. Then I started dating again.

I lost a dear friend to cancer. Overwhelmed with grief, I considered moving away.

I welcomed my nephew (godson) into the world.

Lost the first job, freaked out, and then got a better job.

Mom was diagnosed with cancer.

I changed my mind about moving away.

I fell in love.

My son and I moved out of my parents' house.

I lost my last living grandparent.

The one constant through it all is that I kept going to TKD. Even when I felt unready and unworthy of belt promotion, Joshua and I both were there, every week. It has given us a sense of community, and when I was really hurting, it gave me something else to focus on (or something to hit and yell at when necessary). And ultimately, it made us part of a bigger family. It gave us new friends, and a support system. It gave me a partner. It gave my son a Dad. And for that I will always be grateful.

What started out as a way to get some more exercise has become a deeply personal journey for me, and getting this belt now is symbolic to me of not just surviving the hard parts of the past few years, but of coming out on the other side stronger, happier, and more confident than I have ever been.